Friday, January 12, 2007

Grow Old With Me


Grow Old
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
i wander aimlessly
i am a boat with no rodder,
but my sails are full, and the wind is always with me.
though i know not where i am heading,
i am glad to be going there.
i once had direction, my compass was true.
but now i am lost in the woods.
only thing is i like it that way.
to be surprised by life,
to never really know what to expect,
that is true freedom.
and that is what i am...free
which is how i shall remain.
i am forever happy to wander aimlessly.


Thursday, January 04, 2007

Treeth or Lie



Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
are lies always lies, or do they only become lies in retrospect? if you say something that is ture at the time you say it, but it becomes untrue, did you lie? and, while i hope everything you've said was true at the time you said it, i only wish they still applied. but, is truth always truth, regardless of the other circumstances, or, perhaps, can statements become false, as the situation dictates? but, on the flip side, are lies always lies, forever banned into history as an untruth, or can the outside world change, morph, shift a lie over the border into "truthdom"?

and who determines truth? is it the people who believe? people once believed the world was flat, and, to them, it was true. or is it the the outside, and, secretly, are we all just conforming as not to stick out? or, even, is it none of us, but something more, or perhaps something less. and, if someone, determines the truth of an idea, do they not also have the power to deny the stamp of truth, and banish words forever into the hell that is lies.

and if this is so, if someone, something, can arbitrarily decide lies from truth, greed from grace, who are we to say anything at all?

i do not think what you said was lies, and i would love to believe you meant what you wrote at the time you scrawled your heart on paper, but, as it has become glaringly and obviously not true (anymore) i begin to wonder if it was ever true at all.

maybe it was, maybe we really did have something, and, like the words that came with it, it faded and twisted until everything we have is mocking what we had, and asking what we could have had.

but maybe, the less glamourous option, maybe those words were never true to begin with, and we only wanted them to be true bad enough to the point where we actually believed them. i know i did.

but maybe, and this doesn't sound like you, but neither have a lot of things you said, but maybe you knew those words were untrue from the start. i will not call them lies, and i am not keen to call you a liar, but these 'untruths,' maybe you knew, and you were avoiding letting me fall like the words from your mind to your mouth to the paper to my hands.
too bad, you only delayed it.

Monday, January 01, 2007

自由が丘


自由が丘
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
i see
everything

i feel
everything

i hear
everything


But
In the end
i know
nothing


And
It all just
opens up

everything and nothing

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

The Red Ballon


The Red Ballon
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
"love is like a red balloon, sometimes you just have to let go"


Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Killed


Killed
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
With each day that passes, another tomorrow comes.
and with each tomorrow that comes,
so does my soul grow more fragile.
It becomes difficult, as the years grow longer
to find the fragrance of the once loved
that's been snatched away from me.
It becomes irrecoverable, the once beloved sight
the heart that has grown fonder
is broken.
But while every moment passes
and with each second that flies,
the value of the memories we shared
neither ripens or depreciates into nothing
but remains unchanged, as if perpetual within time.
For even after one hundred tomorrows,
or even after one thousand tomorrows,
the significance, of what you taught me,
remains the greatest, and most wonderful
memories I experienced.


Monday, November 20, 2006

Glimmer Twinkle Sparkle


excited
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
Your last look goodbye was the longest,
Look I’ve ever felt in my life,
When my tear pooled eyes,
Gazed right through you,
And I felt myself shatter inside.

(Sparkle)

Last night I dreamed I was with you,
And I’d known your smile forever again.

These dreams of rainbows usually finish with you,
Pulling me out of my bed through my window,
And into the perfect blue of your eyes,
But you’re just a stranger passing by.

(Twinkle)

How does a girl who is blind,
Expect me to see the world through her eyes?

They pulse with an innocent beauty -
In my dreams I’m always falling in love,
Because they’re the stars, my midnight angel, stars.

(Glimmer)

And the curtain falls upon the lightshow,
We wake up, and go to sleep.

Afraid to dream…


Sunday, November 19, 2006

Paper Hearts


唐津くんち
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
Paper hearts and valentines -
the mockery that Love has become:
red roses, diamond rings,
spectral things without substance.

Love is not a commodity,
but a stream, a star, alive:
waxing and waning
as the phases of the moon.

It is a rider and mount
with neither bridle nor saddle,
pounding the ground
in their power and exuberance.

Love is not fear;
it is courage.
Love is not judgment;
it is acceptance.

Love is not suspicion;
it is trust.
Love is not doubt;
it is faith.

But one thing best I've learned
is not what love is and is not;
what's harder than knowing how to love
is knowing how to be loved.


Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Taste the sun


Taste the sun
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
A sustained note
On the verge of memory
Floats on the wind
A forgotten melody
Soft and airy
Thoughts turned into prose
Mysteriously heavy
Yet sweet as a rose
The song of our lives
Captured in a moment
Hidden in time
Our true essence
The song of our soul
Plays on forever
Making us whole
Music is the heart of all
Our only way of rising before we fall.


Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Darwinian Days


Darwinian Days
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
At dawn, upon rising – with the sun –
we rush to the window, beyond which colors,
interwoven, mingling, race and chase the horizon
and are gone. We raise a hand to the glass,
once clammy, which with each of the clock’s steadfast heartbeats
becomes ever warmer, until the landscape fails to hypnotize
and our touch and gaze, for the present, drop.

Yet our body, still delicate from rest, knows not how to move;
we settle on a chair at the window and find before us
a loom and endless quantities of thread.

All at once, instinct dictates, droning, lessons –
see there, the thread of azure, unravel it,
place it precisely so – encouraging, berating –
twist a bit of silver into the edge –
the clouds without swirl in a dizzying frenzy, the sky becomes overcast –
let your cloth glitter with scattered golden stars –
until, triumphant, we lift our curtain
and cover the window, the contents of society.

We find, stepping back, a paradise descended on earth,
the sun smiling over vivid expanses of hues and tints,
the people content, love true, stars within reach.

But inexplicably the scene – our curtain – warps – the window is,
we had forgotten, still open; we reach out to shut it now,
but the gale has become ruthless, lashing out
and with its forked tongue demolishes the curtain;
rips the meadows, the colors, the everlasting sun;
throws us, surrounded by shreds once heavenly, backward.

Beyond the window, the sky is whitish gray –
a blank canvas upon which clouds and sun alike
have sought some distant abode;
out of the window we find nothing.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Hope


Hope
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
I walk with a smile for you,
my light through the autumn leaves
that is difficult to
capture..
I'll walk with you among this
endless pavement,
passing every city,
passing every scenery,
I'll walk with you, hoping to
be your scenery.
I walk with a smile for you,
my descending light hitting the
stepping stones,
I walk knowing that you will
walk with me too someday.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

My Heart


My Heart
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
I never had a way with words
couldn't lie to save my life
So can I give you blood and tears
call it the voice I'll never find?

I write in words that do not speak
they dance around what I want to say
I speak in words that do not speak
they dance around what I want you to know

Let me let you see my heart
read the words written in the veins
Then trace the spirals in my soul
and decipher what was my intent

Take out my eyes one brown and one green
look through them for a while for me
see the way the world enters into my mind
look at the way that I used to look at you

I never had a way with words
couldn't lie to save my life
So can I give you blood and tears
call it the voice I'll never find?

Monday, July 17, 2006

Sunshine


Sunshine
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
Tell me, beautiful,
When was the last time you saw yourself?
I mean, really looked at yourself?
Seen how beautiful you really are,
How the light helps you shine when you smile,
The spark in your eyes?
When was the last time you put on that dress
And twirled in it, pretending to dance,
Just for memory's sake?
And have you ever seen just who you are to me?
You may not be what everyone else considers beautiful,
But since when does everyone else know anything?
You may think you're just another girl,
But to me you're the only girl in the world,
And when you look at me,
Yours is the only face I ever want to see.
You are my whole world,
And you mean everything to me.
Wake me from this beautiful dream with the sunrise of your smile.
Will miss you.

Another day without you


My Mind
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
What happened to us?
...

Friday, July 14, 2006

A million faces of a million minded God

I see it when you look my way;
there’s nothing but love in your eyes.
Like flowers blooming in May,
delicate is the happiness that fills our lives.
I know my heart beats true,
for in you I’ve found redemption.
But lately, I would give it up
for a little deception.

Give me something to write about;
please, won’t you break my heart.
Be jealous, petty, quick to judge,
that would be a start.
I don’t like to ask favors,
but this I can’t do without.
I beg you to walk away,
and give me something to write about.

Let’s cut this tired romance,
I just want a show.
Tonight might be the final chance
to rekindle a withering muse.
Epics are not told of bliss,
they are rooted deep in strife.
And to conquer the empty page
you must disrupt my life.

Please give me something to write about,
I beg don’t take this lightly.
Frustration has possessed my thoughts;
I am haunted nightly.
The pen use to dance in my hand,
but now the ink’s run out.
There are only lonely songs of empty resonance
when there’s nothing to write about.

Dreams have faded from thought
since they’ve all come true.
While once the page I wrought
tales of my longing and unrequited love.
These thoughts exist no more,
not even in the smallest amount.
Thus, I’m ever cursed to have
nothing to write about.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Trident of light


Trident of light
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
In the empty spaces of my life
There is a world silenced on my behalf
What I think I see is just a shadow falling over me
When you look at me, I think that this is the way it should be
You. Me. A world combined from you and me

In another's eyes I found this is not me
It's just someone I thought I should be

Friday, June 30, 2006

Salt and Water my only friends

I have decided that all the chaos in my life has led me to this point.
Whether or not this point in time is good i don't know..
whether this point in time will drive me
to be a better person is not up to me.
For i fear that the story of my life is already written.
The ink is dry and the book is locked.

I think people have the silly idea that
they are in control of there lives.
That they decide what choice they make.
But is this true?
Are we the ones we make decisions
of our own free will
or are we given options
and made to choose the lesser of the two?
The one that just might get us where we wanna be,
the one that will hurt the less.
The one that sounds better to music.
That makes the best story.

Did the child who weeps for the father
that was never there make a choice?
Did the mute child make the choice of not speaking?
And for those who lay the trials and tribulations
of there lives in the hands of a name of one who is holy..
i ask who gave you the pain?
Truth is the holy watch over some.
Guides them through pain,
helps them see through there tears..
and for the others?
they only see the back of those who are holy.
For this is the only way you can explain
self conclusion.

How would someone who loves you
unconditionally and is all forgiving
let one so beautifull fall from such low heights?
Then punish one for knowing that there
is no more that they could give..
do we really have control.
The control that we pride ourselves for having..
or are we merely tricked to have such control.
to question that in which is taught to you is not a sin..
for if it was then you would not have the ability to..
to question

Monday, June 26, 2006

Moments


Elegance
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
We live for our moment,
We die for eternity,
A moment in the spotlight,
Is good enough for me.

A moment in which we make ourselves,
A moment which we see,
A moment which we cannot waste,
Then wonder what could have been.

Why spend life in the shadow?
Waiting for our chance,
Chances come and chances go,
We all look for romance.

In the eyes of others,
It is a tale told by an idiot,
Yet beauty in the world we know,
Tells us it is not.

Life it is a journey,
No path to pave our way,
We muddle through and make it,
Living on beyond today.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Eda


Eda
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
As daylight breaks another night,
The sun remains a morning star.
And when the birds sing when in flight,
They may or may not travel far.

With every breeze that whispers by,
The trees dance and whistle song.
And when you look up in the sky,
You'll find that you do indeed belong.

Hate may plague this tender earth,
Yet innocence is still left inside.
When the children return to their hearth,
They remember who has died.

And when the children cry their tears,
A flower will bloom in its place.
As Nature takes the children's fears,
Love will give its own embrace.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Walking on Water


Walking on Water
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
"star speak"

I remember thick nights when nightingale feathers
were traced in pools of silver spells
by my fingertips. In those times,
I found perfect words from sluggish comets. A possibility

is a winding road, and our wingspan
never found the terminal; we collapsed
as the sun cast down his name. I forgot
about answering maternal questions.

My thumb is stitched to my heart, a shelter
inside jacket pockets rotted with holes that I'm inhaling,
chiming on a pale piano's narrow lungs.

(The secret to breathing under water
is being in love with you.)

I peel back edges of puddles,
watching you drip midnight by tickling clouds
you made pregnant with blown kisses. I don't think
I ever got mine. What else
is there to say?

On your tongue I am chasing names
holding seasons; therefore, I
abandon laughter.

Cradled between your lips,
rocking in the grandeur of sunsets and romance,
I am still spilling drops of your
birthday, at last speaking those possible
starwords: I love you.

Friday, June 09, 2006

Jigsaw


Jigsaw
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
The next time I think of you
I want it to be brief,
the kind of contemplation
a child gives the small brown leaf
smuggled indoors under his boot;
a momentary blur of syllables
before he discards it in the trash.

As it is now,
I see far too clearly each brittle vein
crinkling fine lines that stretch onward,
finally veering away from wretched pain and rage,
yet with no certain path.

My memories of you
are like fallen leaves,
composting sentiments and insights quietly
into fertile ground for life.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Sublimation


Sublimation
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
Sample the savory wind
As it flutters through your hair,
The flavor of bliss
Accentuated subtly
With a hint of melancholy
For no extra charge.

Feel its embrace,
How it caresses your skin
With longing satisfaction.
Its touch is soft and smooth,
With a little tickle
Just to makes things interesting.

You live in a world
Where everything is still
Perpetual silence
A peaceful atmosphere,
Empty of aggravation
Yet deprived of contentment.

You pass as a reflection
The image of perfection,
Flowing from window to window
In your house of cards
Crafted by the hand of a master
And remain untainted.

Wait for invisible stains to appear
Soiling the silken fabric
Spun by the spiders seeping in
A signal
To the end of perpetual silence
And the inevitable whispers of the wind.

Hear the sound of cards falling
And watch the cascade in slow motion,
Spraying in every direction,
As pretences splash on impact
With the concrete reality
Of our drowned world.

It’s only the magic tricks of the wind
Changing the faces
Commanding the aces
In your castle of spades
Turning your luck for the worse
And therefore the better.

Emerge from your shield,
Your putrid bubble.
Its soapy swirls shift
With each light that strokes its surface,
Only reflecting the colour of others
Not creating its own.

Dare to paint with your own pallet
A world with disenchantment
And therefore boundless ecstasy,
Not limited
By chalk-traced outlines
Sketched from fleeting glimpses of pleasure.

Burst the soapy film
That dulls the vibrance of depth.
The depth that comes with knowing the sorrow
That heightens the brightness of joy
When it rides on the wind.
For no extra charge.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

As you fall


As you fall
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
Is this how
You were found?
Like a star fallen
To the ground?

As you fall
You make no sound
As you fall
Wish for a place where you want to be

Lying still
Flowers all around
In my dreams I see you
Falling down

So is this how (is this how)
You were found?
Like a star fallen
To the ground?

As you fall
You make no sound
As you fall
Wish for a place where you want to be

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Kindergarden


Lazaris
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sand box at nursery school.

These are the things I learned. Share everything. Play fair. Don't hit people. Put things back where you found them.

Clean up your own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you are sorry when you hurt somebody. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some and draw some and paint and sing and dance and play and work everyday.

Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out in the world, watch for traffic, hold hands, and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why. We are like that.

And then remember that book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: LOOK!

Everything you need to know is there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation, ecology, and politics and the sane living.

Think of what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and clean up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out in the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Marble Dreams


Longlive Athenian Marble
Originally uploaded by Reminiscence.
It seems that all of life
returns from whence it came
and tho' it turns to us
it never seems the same
as we imagined when it came,
those things that still remain
but perhaps the diffrence lies
in the things that never change.

for at the heart of anything
is a reflection of what has passed
for its the things you don't expect
that always seem to last.
so take life as it seems
and always hold to your dreams
for where now flows a river
there once was but a stream.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

The Cyclamen Society


The Cyclamen Society
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
On the twentieth day of July 69,
For the first time in history,
The moon landed on a man.

The first time such move had been attempted by a celestial body,
A great feat of precision,
Didn't crush the man at all.

You see, we see things from our eyes,
And everyone knows our eyes see upside down.
Or is that the right way up?

I could tell you about walking through deserts,
The beauty of running water, of rain,
You'd be thinking of TV shows.

When was the last time you were challenged,
Walked away from a conversation stunned.
Who are you listening to, me or yourself?

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder,
Is meaning in the eye of the reader?
More importantly, are you reading this upside down?

Every word you read is yours,
Make your own sentences,
Take your own morals.

And even though I wouldn't dream of telling you what to do,
Look within other people,
You'll see yourself.
Find out what you are,
Where you are headed.
Find your own moon and land on it.

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Left Over S


Digital Art Iaponia
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
Waking up to
6 am breakfast
composed of
last night’s supper;

I stumble around
shifting blinds
to keep the sun
from intruding.

I do my best
to make myself
appear
healthy.

(Mother
always said
if I look well,
they’ll never know.)

Once again
a late alarm clock
informs me
to bring an umbrella.

I march
out the door
and prepare
to face the battleground.

8 am
Corporate Japan
attempts to
lift my skirt.

I tell them
business suits
hardly get me off
anymore.

10 am a customer
informs me
I don’t quite understand
my occupation.

I inform her
minimum wage
doesn’t
require a lot.

Noon comes
and goes;
I couldn’t seem
to find my appetite.

At 3 I inhale
nicotine from a
well marketed
product.

5 pm
I’m set free;
knowing there’s
nowhere to migrate.

I’ve realized
my umbrella
has served
no purpose;

proving
it’s not
always best
to plan ahead.

I make
my way home
to fall asleep
during infomercials.

I’ll lay there
until morning
convinces me
otherwise.


And I wonder when I’ll stop settling for leftovers.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

My Truest Form


My Truest Form
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
I found the picture of a girl today.
In tones of gray, she sat
with fastened hair and straightened back,
the nails shifting in the pedestal beneath her.
And, over sloping neck, she held an apple,
one circle, firm and light,
round and balanced, steadied by her mind,
settled deep within the blackened curls.

But the sun, shifting, left the window
in darker rays and I caught
the sudden movement of fingertips
and apple, curling around thoughts of abandon.
Her locks, gleaming, pushed a silence,
unknown to me, towards the surface
of each fiber, deadened by
the lack of some greater solidity.

And she began her peeling,
the tightness of childhood ways slipping off,
melting inward, the descent of surrender,
each echo a memory of stillness.
The quiet death, a birth of nakedness
as the shadows encased her, pulling
the arrow of her back into a gentle
curve, smooth and pliant.

A tide of pain encroached upon me,
blue and graceful, her aura awoke
the urge to see, to feel and breathe
the passion of binding one’s soul to life.
And her palm, a warm cocoon,
remained a shelter to the dying fruit
that so loyally formed for her a
crown of glittering emptiness.

But the ache within me ceased
as fresh wounds emerged and changed
her into a strange beauty, the depth
of her becoming fathoms.
In one eternal second, I saw
her shoulders bore the trace of
mountains, a raw pride, as of appleskin
torn slowly from its core.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Deliverance


Deliverance
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
Over dusty shoulders I see
a world I'll never win, and I should be anywhere..
Anywhere but here..

Dirty chalk clouds slur through a city sky
until they drop off the stale earth,
and this is my story, and I shall follow them,
and I shall fall. Harsh and ugly.

We lived life like we were the only ones not broken.

Your heart was the fist matching my bruises,
we were misplaced children, collapsed from our worlds
and collided.
We tugged our skin on the trees we climbed, trying to kidnap stars,
you tripped me up once or twice
and I stared at you
while you let your fingers
tiptoe cautiously
across each graze.

You were high and I wanted to save you,
because I heard the sound of your body breaking
against bathroom floor tiles
making the air too painful to inhale.

All I had to offer was stolen clichés slammed into poetry,
you told me you wrote every word in your diary
and read them when the door locked me out
at twelve thirty AM and I followed flat clouds home,
with a cigarette and smile.

I was in love with passion and everyone laughed,
apart from one girl,
you, who pressed understanding against me like only I mattered.
We walked along our made-up streets all day,
and fell into our glittered dreams at night.

When you walked over our world with a boy at your side,
you took my voice and broke it
into dull monotones with flat ugly words,
I felt betrayed but couldn’t think why.
I abandoned that song that held us together
and tried to crumble back into my own world
hoping you wouldn’t noticed
that I had gone.

I tried to explain in postcards and sorry eyes,
but I clutched onto the paper like a child holds the key
to his secret box hidden under the bed,
so dropped the pen and let it all slink into the air.
I had too much to lose and I got tired of letting my heart
block the air from my lungs.
You spoke of how somebody was worried, how it felt like a dream,
I wondered if all the times I had slid out of the room
to brush my eyelashes dry had meant anything to you.
Anything at all.

I sang myself to sleep and dreamt of yesterday,
when we marched to the beat of
me and
you against
the world.

With messy hair and my pale tinted lips, I whispered -
'show me something pretty' while kicking the mirror away,
I'm beginning to like how my skin looks,
pale and uneven,foreign,
but can’t stand how my eyes look -
left behind.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Everything is Illuminated


Everything is Illuminated
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
You are my inspiration

Why I writhe at night

Awake until day-dawn
You are my bane

Because of you

Sweat trickles down my spine
You are my blessing

The reason why I live

My blood, my passion, my opus

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Once upon a dream


Show Flakes
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
Love convinced me to believe being with you was necessary.
Blinded, I followed along helplessly with a hand reaching out.
Heartless human nature held responsibility for my sadness,
I assumed the position to defend without a signal of strength.

Freedom releases itself with each backhand that you give me,
with my back against the wall, my eyes beg more while I plead no.
Addicted to the pain like a drug too strong to resist,
I refuse to refuse you, with adoration exceeding boundaries.

I dreamt for a love that could prove itself pure.
Enduring too much for no purpose I could find.
Candy scented gasoline and a sugar coated match,
I stood tricked into believing things could be a different way.

Once upon a dream I found love that didn't hurt me.
In the horror of my reality it held no chance of becomming true.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

23 Gram Years of Urban Loneliness


Breeze
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
Malcontent rushes in
The reverie now dead
The threads of time are strangling me
I'm a prisoner in my own head

Broken again, I walk alone
To discover what I truly mean
But I fear it may be too late
I want to be more than a machine

Why did I forsake myself to this
A life of loneliness and woe?
I'm going to die alone again
Without one memory to show

Sit and speak, only to myself
With this, some foolish rhyme
While I let my life slip away
Lost in the realm of Once Upon a Time

Monday, January 09, 2006

The Blue Season Promise


The Blue Season
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
With the wind at my back
and the future on my mind,
I look foreward and see
the ever present emptiness.

It's a "clean slate"
It's a "new beginning"
That's what I've been told anyway..
To me, it's a little intimidating
..to tell the truth.

I know that I can do it,
but I don't want to face it alone..
..I wont face this alone!

I need her here
so I can feel her soft touch
on my ever shaking hand.
To hear her voice;
so strong yet so fragile.
dancing on the wind
like a ballerina on a stage.

She wont say it,
but the way she grabs my arm says it all..
She's just as scared as I am,
but trusts in what we've built;
our "kingdom" of frownless days and sleepless nights.
The kind that you'd give everything for,
and wouldn't trade for the world.

I don't know where we're going,
and I don't know where we'll end,
but as long as she's by my side
I'll take on the world.
..One day at a time.

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Solitude from InMyRoom


Solitude
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
Over dusty shoulders I see
a world I'll never win, and I should be anywhere..
Anywhere but here..

Dirty chalk clouds slur through a city sky
until they drop off the stale earth,
and this is my story, and I shall follow them,
and I shall fall. Harsh and ugly.

We lived life like we were the only ones not broken.

Your heart was the fist matching my bruises,
we were misplaced children, collapsed from our worlds
and collided.
We tugged our skin on the trees we climbed, trying to kidnap stars,
you tripped me up once or twice
and I stared at you
while you let your fingers
tiptoe cautiously
across each graze.

You were high and I wanted to save you,
because I heard the sound of your body breaking
against bathroom floor tiles
making the air too painful to inhale.

All I had to offer was stolen clichés slammed into poetry,
you told me you wrote every word in your diary
and read them when the door locked me out
at twelve thirty AM and I followed flat clouds home,
with a cigarette and smile.

I was in love with passion and everyone laughed,
apart from one girl,
you, who pressed understanding against me like only I mattered.
We walked along our made-up streets all day,
and fell into our glittered dreams at night.

When you walked over our world with a boy at your side,
you took my voice and broke it
into dull monotones with flat ugly words,
I felt betrayed but couldn’t think why.
I abandoned that song that held us together
and tried to crumble back into my own world
hoping you wouldn’t noticed
that I had gone.

I tried to explain in postcards and sorry eyes,
but I clutched onto the paper like a child holds the key
to her secret box hidden under the bed,
so dropped the pen and let it all slink into the air.
I had too much to lose and I got tired of letting my heart
block the air from my lungs.
You spoke of how somebody was worried, how it felt like a dream,
I wondered if all the times I had slid out of the room
to brush my eyelashes dry had meant anything to you.
Anything at all.

I sang myself to sleep and dreamt of yesterday,
when we marched to the beat of
me and
you against
the world.

With messy hair and my blue tinted lips, I whispered -
'show me something pretty' while kicking the mirror away,
I'm beginning to like how my skin looks,
pale and uneven,
but can’t stand how my eyes look -
left behind.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

[roy:]


I
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
[roy:]
I’ve seen things, you people wouldn’t believe, hmmm.
... attack ships on fire off the shoulder of orion.
I’ve watched c beams glitter in the dark near the tannhauser gate.
All those moments, will be lost in time like tears in rain...
[... time to die ...]

I've seen it all


Fragments
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
Moments of eternity,
Strangers stealing someone elses dream;
I´ve seen it all.
Hunting for a mistery,
Running for your live in times like these;
I´ve seen it all.
I remember the time,
Once in a life,
oh baby;
Got you here in my head,
Here in my head,
oh maybe;
I´ve seen it all...
Waiting on a bed of nails,
Time is running slow until it ends;
I´ve seen it all.
Hunting for a mistery,
Running for your life in times like these;
I´ve seen it all.
I remember the time,
Once in a life,
oh baby;
Got you here in my head,
Here in my head,
oh maybe;
I´ve seen it all...
Like i´ve never seen before,
Catching up a smile instead of frown,
Asking you to never let me down,
It will never be the same forever;
I´ve seen it all...

Autumn Tactics



Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
Deep river runs it's course
To a warm horizon
Shadows of falling leaves
October moon and rusty skies
Ever changing feelings
The seeds of autumn in my mind
Hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Feels like its just begun
Hiding sun, like the hiding sun
Waiting for summer sun
Hiding summer's age no more
No more leaves in summer sky
Turning dark on empty carlots
When summer was my only friend
Sail back this way again
Winter's one breath away
Sail back this way again
Winter's one breath away
It's turning cold...

Far From The Maddening Crowds



Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
Together is all I knew

We moved too fast but I had no signs
I would try to turn the hands of time
I look to you for the reason why
The love we had passed me by

And as the sun would set you would rise
Fall from the sky into paradise
Is there no light in your heart for me
You've closed your eyes you don't longer see

There were no lies between me and you
You said nothing of what you knew
But there was still something in your eyes
Left me helpless and paralysed

You could give a million reasons change the world and change the time
Could not give me the secrets of your heart and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds me now there is no piece of mind
Your careless words undo me, leave the thought of us behind
You could give a million reasons change the world and change the time
Could not give me the secrets of your heart and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds you now there is no piece of mind
Your careless words undo me, leave the thought of us behind

Equal



Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
"All people are Equal
BUT
Some people are more Equal than others"
Think
Isn't it annoying to live is such a fake world surrounded by people who lecture about Equality? Do they really believe it? They certainly don't. A proof that Brainwashing and Sugarcoatted words saddly affect the lives of each and one of us. Equal ~ A word that the fortunate human beings use in order to bridge the gap between cultrures, health, wealth and whatever else they want it to be.
I sure don't feel Equal and thats because the world doesn't let me be. A word THEY use to lead the flock. And who are the sheeps?
I am sure you know the answer if you look at the mirror
Polaroidfades

BlackBird Venturus


Stairs
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
And I've told you that I'm not going out
tonight, but, as usual, you haven't listened.
In your say, there is pain involved –
a thorn you picked up off some nightmare
flower. You ask me to remove it
though you've already taken a shower.
And I'm thinking if the water can't get it out
I don't see how I will. Besides, I've seen
a blackbird, which, as it starts to sing, suggests
if I were a blackbird I would not want to sound
like one. And by this point I've decided
just because I don't sing like a blackbird
doesn't mean you can't call me one. But again
you're not listening. And it's flown off now
into that evening gloom where everything seems
heavier, though I don't suppose it is, but presses
nonetheless, like the sloping walls of shops
in an old French town seen from an unusual angle.

I remember you from trains


Distance Sample
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
he next train to depart from Platform One will be the four-thirty-two, Flinders Street, stopping all stations to Flinders Street except East Richmond.

...And right on time again, she shows up. Yellow t-shirt and denim skirt. Today, she’s wearing glasses that I haven’t seen her with before and they make her look like a librarian, especially combined with the long, deep, deep, brown hair. I don’t need to look her up and down like I have in the past. I have her memorised. After seeing her every Sunday at the same time for six weeks, I could almost convince myself that I know her. After all, I have seen a multitude of her moods. I know how she looks when she rubs her eyes, when she walks, when she smiles, and when she closes her eyes. I could nearly fall in love with her for real when she’s asleep.

The train arrives, I open the door for her and sit down about six seats away facing towards her. I have to do this surreptitiously though. I can’t let her know that I’ve chosen the seat deliberately. She always faces me and watches me, while at the same time, trying to pretend that she isn’t. It’s odd that we’re doing the exact same thing. Five stops later, she stands up and gets off the train.

----
The next train to depart from Platform One will be the four-thirty-two, Flinders Street, stopping all stations to Flinders Street except East Richmond.

Today she’s dressed up. She’s not exactly in an evening gown, just black pants and a white blouse but compared to the colours I’m used to seeing her wear, she may as well be heading off to a black tie dinner.

She’s also wearing sunglasses today. It’s something that I’m not used to. I can’t see what direction she’s looking, as they’re completely reflective, and it sends me into a spin. I could swear she’s staring at me the whole time. Her face is pointed straight ahead. She must be looking my way. I want to stare straight back at her and smile or do something similarly cool and attractive but I can’t even make myself look at her for more than a few milliseconds at a time. This is just fucking ridiculous. All I have to do is look back—just look back and smile. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. My head isn’t following instructions though. It’s stuck looking out the window. I want to do it. I want to do it. I want to do it.

The only thing I could do now is to take my head in my hands and physically turn it towards her. Then I would have to use my fingers to push my mouth into a smile but, with a certain amount of dismay, I find that my hands aren’t responding either. That's possibly a good thing, come to think of it.

Anyway, It’s like she’s in a trance, her stare is that unrelenting. Shit. One more stop and she gets off. I need to get it together.

I’m trying to convince myself that nothing bad could come of me smiling at her. After all, what’s the worst that could happen? She doesn’t smile back? Big deal! She’s just a girl—just a gorgeous, well dressed, sexy as hell girl. Strangely enough, my gut doesn’t believe the arguments coming from my brain. My gut thinks that every single bad thing that could happen will happen if I smile back. My gut is shutting me down. I’m not even sure I’m still breathing. In one minute, she’ll stand up, casually make her way to the door and leave and I won’t have done a damned thing to make her remember me.

The train vibrates gently and the brakes squeak as it slows. My heart picks up the pace and my stomach starts to churn. Say anything at all. Just talk! I find, to my disbelief, that my mouth is opening as she stands. I’m going to say ‘good-bye’. I can do it. I can do it.

As she walks past, my lips move but she doesn’t respond because no words come out. My throat is so dry from nerves that I can’t get my voice to work. In the end, all she can hear is a slight, but very high-pitched squeak and a cough to disguise it.

Needless to say, she keeps walking past, goes straight out the door and I feel like a fucking idiot!

----
The next train to depart from Platform One will be the four-thirty-two, Flinders Street, stopping all stations to Flinders Street except East Richmond.

She’s wearing a loud green top and black pants. The top is disgustingly bright and really quite ugly. Perhaps it’s a credit to her that I still find her beautiful in such awful clothes.

More important than the clothes she’s wearing, she has a friend with her. I turn down my discman, but leave the ear-pieces in so it doesn’t look like I’m eavesdropping.

Whatever they’re talking about, they’re finding it hilarious.

‘…and then you need a wife to get a house.’

‘…and you need a dog to keep you company.’

‘…then you need kids to keep your wife happy.’

‘…but you’ve got to get rid of the dog when you get kids in case it bites them.’

They’re laughing at this. I don’t get the joke at all, but it’s worth the mystification to see her smile. I don’t think I’ve seen her smile properly before. I mean, she smiles when I open the door for her but it’s a contrived thing. It’s not like she’s genuinely enjoying herself. They’re still laughing when the other girl gets to the punch line.

‘…and then your wife has to clean the house and look after the kids and work and once they’re at the most difficult age, you have to dump her and the kids and the house and find yourself a younger woman so you can reclaim the youth that you missed.’

They’re laughing so hard that my girl is doubled over and holding her stomach. I can’t help but crack a smile, even if I don’t get it. Her laughter is infectious.

Then the friend says something I’ve been waiting for without actually realising that I was.

‘It’s so good to see you again, Joy. I’ve missed you.’

Her name is Joy! I couldn’t have even made up a better name than that.

Joy says something back, but I’m not listening anymore. I’m sounding out the name over and over in my head. Joy. Joy could make me happy. If all else fails, I’ll still believe in Joy.

The train arrives and I open the door for both of them. I don’t even get a glance this week, but it’s forgivable. She’s occupied.

They’re giving each other updates on life since they last saw one another. I don’t know how long it’s been—they don’t mention dates—but it must have been a while. A lot has changed.

Joy has gone through three boyfriends but is currently single and not enjoying it. She also has a new job at a café—where they bumped into one another—that is mostly populated by the over fifties. She likes this better than her old job because her new customers are more patient than the old ones were. The old job was also a café but was too trendy for her. Its cool-factor (Joy's word, not mine) meant that the customers were all arseholes and never tipped. At her new job, her boss likes her, and has offered to sell her the business eventually but Joy isn’t sure if she can afford it. I hang on every word to find out where it is, but Joy doesn’t mention it. I would like to visit her at work. At least, that way, I’d have an excuse to talk to her. I could talk to her, say the cool and winning thing, and gradually make her love me.

In my fantasy, I am wearing cool and sexy, but understated, clothes. Joy’s stressing out about the café being busy and having to work by herself. Her hair is a mess and her cheeks red from running between tables. I offer to help and she declines until I insist. I sit at the coffee machine, pouring mochaccinos and macchiatos and short blacks and lattes, and each time she comes up with a new order, I make a witty comment or show her something incredible she can do with this model to make the coffee look and taste better. She loves me for the things I know, and for my humour, and for everything about me. At the end of the night, she invites me for coffee at her place and things go from there.

Before any of that happens, though, I’ll have to learn how to use a coffee machine. I’m not even sure they’re called that. I’m sure they have a proper name.

When it comes time to leave, her friend stands up with her and they leave together. The friend is going to Joy’s house for coffee and to catch up on old times. I’m staying here.

----
The next train to depart from Platform One will be the four-thirty-two, Flinders Street, stopping all stations to Flinders Street except East Richmond.

The train’s here and Joy’s not.

I don’t get on and, instead, opt to wait for the next one, just in case she’s late. Twenty-nine minutes later, the next train comes, and then and goes, and I stay on the platform. I catch the one after that, thirty-one minutes later again, which she also fails to show up for.

When it comes time to actually get on the train, it feels weird opening the door just for myself. I’m so used to turning sideways, pulling the handle, stepping back, smiling, spinning back around and finally getting on the train that I’m finding it hard to remember how to open the door in any other way. I can’t quite figure out how a simple action, one that I’d been performing for years (hell, decades!), could seem alien. Every day, a billion people open doors without a thought to how they do it. Without Joy here, I can’t seem to remember how. No, it’s not a case of remembering. I know how to do it. It’s just that it isn’t my natural response anymore. I have to think about what I’m doing.

After I’m done dithering about with the doors, I sit in the first seat I see.

Another girl gets on the train and seems to be dithering the same way I was, but her dilemma seems to be over where to sit. Her indecision attracts my attention, and I find myself watching her. After trying about four different seats, she finally settles on a one about halfway along the carriage, facing towards me.

As soon as I see her face, I feel a pang. She looks enough like Joy for me to be able to list the differences. Hair’s a bit shorter and lighter, slightly more tanned, definitely more nervous energy (Joy would never spend any time deliberating over which seat to choose).

The longer I spend looking, the more their images begin to merge, or rather, the more my mental picture of Joy morphs into this new girl.
She’s constantly sifting her weight, trying to get comfortable.

And then our eyes meet for a fraction of a second, she smiles, and, that instant, I feel like I’m cheating. I’ve never felt like that before. Joy’s been gone a week and already—

Hold on. How do you cheat on a girl you’ve never spoken to?

----
The next train to depart from Platform One will be the four-thirty-two, Flinders Street, stopping all stations to Flinders Street except East Richmond.

I know she won’t be on the train today. I found this in the paper on Monday.


Local Woman Found Dead In Park

A body found by a jogger on Thursday morning in a Richmond park has been positively identified as that of Joy Cruise, a twenty-six year old waitress who lived in the area.
Ms. Cruise was reported missing on Friday after she failed to arrive at work.

Investigators are yet to determine the cause of death but are hoping that an autopsy, to be conducted tomorrow, will help in their investigations.

Detective Sgt. Peter Frank says that the police have no reason to suspect foul play at this stage.

“All we have is a dead body. There are no obvious signs to indicate murder and we can’t very well start crying homicide until we have the results of the autopsy,” Sgt. Frank told the media.


My Joy is dead. I know it’s her because there’s an old photo with the article. She looks about twenty in it. I cut it out and stick it on an old calling card in my wallet. At least now, I have something to remember her by.

I wanted to join the mourners at the service last Thursday, but I didn’t know what to say.

‘Hi. I know your daughter / sister / niece / friend died under suspicious circumstances but I’m a guy who’s been staring at her on the train for the last three months and obsessing. Can I come into your home when you’re at your most vulnerable?’

Instead, I decided to leave flowers outside the church early in the morning. It wasn’t anything fancy or outstanding, just a small bunch of yellow chrysanthemums and a note:

‘I remember you from trains.’

Introductions


Boy and his guitar
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
Mankind, probably the most mysterious of all species on our planet. A mystery of open questions. Who are we? Where do we come from? Where are we going? How do we know what we believe to know? Why do we believe anything at all?

'Innumerable questions looking for an answer, an answer which will raise the next question and the following answer will raise a following question and so on and so forth.
'But in the end, isn't it always the same question and always the same answer?

When I have felt


Imaginery.jpg
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
When evening soaks the sky and puts on damp
The sun, that molten bead of paint, darkened now
And watered down --
When stars are piled thick
And stirred on high-borne vapours, paling then
The upper verge --
When starlings flock in screws,
All sprinting, mirrored over cold-sourced brooks,
With each their cry --
When under twilit water,
Through shaft-lit verdure fish propel, gleening
In silvered schools --
When paths are overarched
By lithesome, elbowed branches, wreathed beneath
With glossened moss --
When many times I've felt
Within a slight and touchless whir, entrenched
In my limbs and calling out --
I've known an urge
That aches and chafes, a thrumming sigh for life
Invincible.

Fiction


Fiction
Originally uploaded by just_stratos.
wilight tourniquets bomb
shadows on the feathers of angels
the blessed are few
beloved even less
the stories of hearts
are censored
and burned
by committees of the Utmost Moral Structures
we all see their secrets
the nervous twitches
behind those Chanel jackets
smirks of cruel joy
in the smallest failures
of others

others bright
others bold
others telling
others told
others not unlike ourselves.

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

Despair

I am extremely sad by what i saw happening in the other side of the world. I feel so useless I cannot do anything to help physically. I cannot believe so many people passed away because of this earthquake. All I want to do is send my wishes for the ones who survived so they can help their countries once more to get back on their feet and for the lost ones to be in a much happier place right now. I really hope the numbers do not increase dramatically. It is so sad to see parents holding in their arms their dead children. I hope everyone sends some help even if this is as small as a penny.
Best wishes to all of you.

Monday, December 20, 2004

A piece of Mind

This is what I decided to start in order to share my thoughts and inspiration that I draw from my life. Perhaps a cry to be heard from people who share the same thinking and philosophy with me. This is my love for the music, love for the Art, love for the Photography, love for athletism, good health and all those other elements that justify my very own existance. My Dj name, Producer name, and Artist name is "αυяα". A word that reflects so many aspects of my character, and my memories. Friends who passed away, Girlfriends who broke my heart, and snapshots of reality that are carved forever in my heart. Apart from all the above this blog is all about education you cannot get from any book or any school or university. Is life, through Poems, music, and photos that equal 1000 words. Its my experience I want to share with new and old friends. Its a far cry that I am not so different after all. I exist and I am somewhere out there. If you want to, then look for me and I hope I can share some or all of the above with you. Enjoy

Sunday, December 19, 2004

Life is a Slideshow